Episode 18, Better Life Project TV

With Nicola Buckley from StrongHer Coaching 

When we can't do what we think we need to do or should do, it’s easy to be left with a feeling like a less than shiny piece of dog turd - inadequate, like a failure or disappointed. In todays episode of Better Life Project TV Nicola Buckley, StrongHer Formula Health and Confidence, tells us all about the neuroscience of change, how to form new habits, what fear is and how to set up a better day and get to know yourself better. This episode is a must watch for anyone who has ever felt wondered why you can't do what you know you need to. Enjoy, this one is a goody!

For more information on Nicola and the resources mentioned please see: 

New website: www.strongheryou.com
Instagram: StrongHer You
Facebook: Nicola Buckley or Nicola Buckley StrongHer Formula 

Breathing support:https://www.dropbox.com/s/99mh43um47hmdmj/Here%20and%20Now%20Breathing%20.m4a?dl=0
Worksheet on the 3 brains: https://www.dropbox.com/s/5uxs3ky8j36vr4j/StrongHer%20You%20Invitation%2011.pdf?dl=0
The Importance of YOUR Pace : https://www.dropbox.com/s/quqdnl8d723vo7n/StrongHer%20You%20Invitation%2036.pdf?dl=0
Staying in the Here and Now: https://www.dropbox.com/s/6rtf0q1r8ir67lq/StrongHer%20You%20Invitation%2037.pdf?dl=0

Enjoy!

9 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Self Confidence

Have you ever felt a lack of self confidence hold you back in life? Are you nervous about recording videos on SnapChat, starting your first blog, publishing your first ever YouTube video, offering an opinion in work or telling him or her what you want to do tonight (instead of always doing what they say). 

The good news is your self-confidence works just like a muscle – it grows the more you use it and will get better with time. 

Confidence plays such a massive role in our ability to function at or above our potential. So, we need to understand what it is and how we can develop this skill – a skill that will enable us to live life to our potential. 

 

Confidence refers to how we feel about our abilities, people and future but did you know that there are two different types of self confidence?

General self-confidence is that that “I can handle it feeling”. People who are generally self-confident do not dwell on negative consequences and usually view outcomes optimistically. They have high self-esteem, which basically refers to the emotional feeling we have about our own self worth. Generally self-confident people appear to take more risks, do not question themselves and believe that they can handle any problem. 

Specific self-confidence is based on experience and is that “I’ve been successful in this area before” feeling. People who have specific self-confidence have experienced success and generally do not question their ability or worth in this task. People who have specific self-confidence may have low self esteem or self belief outside the area they are confident in.

Have you felt this distinction in your every day life before? You can perform very complex tasks in work, interact and converse with your colleagues with confidence but if approached by a guy in a bar you become shy and introverted, and immediately start praying you don't spit your drink on him!

To help you boost your confidence and feel instantly better about what you are doing, here are my top 9 ways to help you increase your confidence. 

 

  1. BECOME AWARE OF YOUR SELF TALK: For a lot of us, when we make a mistake we beat ourselves up. This self criticism never actually does anything to help us, does it? In fact, it's actually very harmful and damaging behaviour. Affirmations are great (I consider myself the affirmation queen) so next time you notice your "inner mean girl" voice change this dialogue straight away. Start by saying "I can do this', 'I am enough', 'I got this'.  
     
  2. VISUALISE: Visualisation is also known as mental imagery and is a brilliant tool that will help you bring about a specific outcome. It is the process of creating a mental image or intention for what you want to happen in your life. It makes the future clearer and is the first step toward creating it. 
     
  3. LISTEN TO MUSIC: Music has the ability to instantly transform our mood. Have you ever listened to a super upbeat song and feel completely reenergised as a result? Create an uplifting playlist on your music player and listen to this when you need to psyche yourself up.
     
  4. FAKE IT 'TILL YOU MAKE IT: If I believed that I was not going to get the job (for e.g), that belief may have led me to alter the strategies I used for interview preparation, and I would probably perform way below my best. While I may have had a good chance of succeeding, my belief hindered my performance, and I made this belief become reality. Psychological research shows that the self-fulfilling prophecy works for both negative and positive predictions -  the beliefs you hold have an impact on what happens to you. In order for you to succeed at what ever you put your mind to you need a belief so strong in your self that you can overcome any set backs.
     
  5. DRESS TO IMPRESS (YOURSELF): How we perceive ourselves plays a massive role in how we feel about ourselves. For me, wearing heels instantly boosts my confidence (I feel like rockstar) and even wearing leopard print will give me a little boost too. Appearances can make a difference, so throw on that work dress that makes you feel sharp because how you see yourself will influence how you feel about yourself. 
     
  6. CHANGE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE: Even if you feel small, taking up more physical space will make you feel more confident too
     
  7. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE: There are positive people everywhere you go but have you stopped surrounding yourself with them? Hang out with people who have similar goals, ideas and desires to you and watch your self belief and confidence soar. 
     
  8. CREATE A COMPELLING (AND FUN) GOAL: We have to nourish our confidence and constantly take steps towards building it by learning new skills and taking stock of what we are doing well and are good at. Set goals that make you feel good, proud, accomplished, appreciated, respected, or empowered.  That is why goal setting is so powerful, because by taking steps towards our goals we are increasing our sense of "I can" and "I got this". Don't be afraid to start with goals that you KNOW you can achieve - build yourself up for success! 
     
  9. SAY THANK-YOU: It may sound like gratitude is the solution to all your problems and the truth is, it really is!  Gratitude plays a massive role in increasing our happiness, confidence and feelings of worth and value! When you can trade expectation for gratitude and supposed to for appreciation you will automatically begin to reduce the pressure you put on yourself to always be perfect, the best and right!

It's so important work on your confidence and this, in turn, will help you break bad habits such as over analysing, comparing and self doubt can cause anxiety, guilt and shame. I have seen, experienced and worked with women who have completely transformed their lives all because they have made a commitment to themselves. I know you can do this!

But if you, like many others, want someone to show you step by step how to breakthrough fear, self-doubt, negativity, tap into your inner strength, confidence, beauty and understand your value and worth then my Empowered Women Workshop is a must for you.

At this workshop you will get 3 hours of training from someone who has spent 5+ years coaching 1000's of people to feel more confident, personal stories from my own life and experience, a personal self confidence plan to help you take 'that' step, uplifting and empowering support from a room full of women who get it and tips and strategies to help you feel empoewred, self assured and good about yourself. 

There is no reason why you should not come . Say YES to yourself and book your place today. 

Sarah is a life coach and motivational speaker. As the co-founder of The Better Life Project, a movement dedicated to helping you live happy, healthy, positive and confident lives and with oodles of infectious energy she is super passionate about helping to inspire you make your awesome life happen. She’s the “go to” life coach for anyone feeling stuck in a rut, lacking in confidence or struggling with low self-esteem or body image. Sarah offers life coaching and mentoring services and works with clients in person in Dublin, Ireland and over Skype around the world. 

How to Overcome Shyness and Build Confidence

As someone who has done a lot of solo travel, lunching, cinema trips etc I feel very comfortable in my own company!  Even as a teenager I was one of the few who was actually OK with going to the toilets alone, unaccompanied by a gaggle of giggling friends! 

But recently I was struck by how shy I became heading in to a breakfast launch event last week. As I was making my way into the room (full of strangers) I couldn’t get over how many people were – how many gorgeous groups of talking women and men! I immediately veered right, straight into the bathroom! 

So, I wasn't off to a great start!

When I was in the bathroom I momentarily became lost in my own head and contemplated leaving all together! I have no idea why I became so self-conscious, awkward and shy. All I wanted to do was hide because I was just so embarrassed to be alone! However, after a couple of deep breaths I decided to give myself a love filled pep talk instead. 

 

Shyness in adult men and women in not uncommon – it usually represents a reluctance to interact with others for fear of being embarrassed. 

 

This explains why we can feel shy in one context and not another. In a room full of family members we can feel shy but the risk of embarrassment is much lower. The same for any group of people that you know! 

In a room full of strangers, however, no such track record exists. We wonder what people will think of us and how willing we are to risk embarrassment? We became very aware of our self image (how we look and act and what we say). That's what determines how shy we feel.

Here are 6 tricks that I use to help me overcome my shyness and boost my confidence.  
 

  1. Compassion beats shyness every time: Remember, that its ok to do things on your own - it does not mean you are Billy No Mates. The expression of your presence does not determine or define you. It's OK to feel awkward or a little intimidated when you are trying something new for the first time but always remember, courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to act in spite of this fear. Don’t let a a little shyness hold you back and above all else don't beat yourself up because you are feeling shy!
     

  2. Give yourself something to do: Get yourself a glass of water, or a coffee. Remember to keep your body language open at all times - keep you head and gaze up and shoulders back. This will help you feel and look more confident.
     

  3. Find someone else who is also by themselves and when you get a chance to introduce yourself, go for it! Begin with small talk, ask authentic questions (people love to talk about themselves so you can start with that), and let the conversation just flow naturally. Remember, odds are that this person is just as nervous about talking to a complete stranger!
     
  4. Avoid being on your phone: If you are on your phone you are shutting the room off and any potential for interaction. It will give people the impression that you might not want to talk to anyone!
     
  5. You don’t need to be the bell of the ball! If you say something quirky or silly don’t beat yourself up, we all have little awkward moments and you will laugh about it later (I once told a freelance journalist if she ever needed any help writing an article to let me know... face plant!) 
     
  6. Become aware of your self-talk. It’s easy to think about all of the negative outcomes in any given situation, especially when you’re meeting people for the first time. But think of the things that you would say to a 5 year old starting school for the first time, and treat yourself in this way! 
     

It takes courage to overcome your shyness - you should feel proud of yourself (I know I did). Everyone at some stage in their life is going to feel a little sheepish and that is 0K, the important thing to remember is to take it slow and to never beat yourself up if things don't go the way you hoped! There will always be next time... 

Here's How to Instantly Boost Your Self Esteem

Have you ever felt like you aren't enough the way that you are? That if you could just be a little smarter, 10lbs lighter, funnier and more popular that your life would be different?

I often recall that scene from Pirates of The Caribbean when Jack Sparrow says "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem". 

So, the problem is not you, the problem is your attitude towards you!

 

One of the things I like doing most is making personal development easy and fun. For me, at the heart of all human growth is the relationship we each have with ourselves, or in other words our self-esteem.

Self-esteem is how we feel about our worth and our value and is often synonymous with self-regard or self-respect. 

If, like me, you have ever second guessed yourself, felt like an impostor, held yourself back or sabotaged yourself its probably because you don’t feel very good about yourself. 

Have you ever heard yourself say I'm not good enough, I'm so bad at my job, I'm too embarrassed to even tell people what I do, No one will ever like me, What would s/he see in me? 

I know exactly how this feels so I want to help you with these 7 simple, effective and doable steps you can take right now to learn how to like yourself better and boost your self-esteem.

 

1. Use Positive Self Talk:

Affirmations are great (I consider myself the affirmation queen) but if you are suffering from low self esteem it's really important that you use affirmations that are believable and personal! If you don’t believe what you are saying, your mind will just reject it and you will end up feeling worse.

Self esteem is fuelled by real life experiences, not hope or false beliefs. So, affirmations should reinforce what you are already good at AND what makes you feel good!  



2. Stop beating yourself and use compassion instead:

For a lot of us, when we make a mistake we beat ourselves up. This self criticism never actually does anything to help us, does it? In fact, it's actually very harmful and damaging behaviour. Research has suggested (pay attention) that self compassion is crucial to helping you like yourself more.

Imagine a young child making a mistake - would you go up to her and tell her that she is an awful eejit and should be embarrassed of herself? Or would you, with loving kindness reinforce that she does many things well and that she can always try again!

Talk to yourself like you talk to a toddler!
 

3. Do things you enjoy and make you happy:

We have to nourish our self-esteem. So, whether you feel like you have high or low self esteem it's important to continually do things that actually make you feel good, proud, accomplished, appreciated, respected, or empowered.  That is why goal setting is so powerful, because by taking steps towards our goals we are increasing our sense of "I can" and "I got this". 

 

4. Celebrate all the little things:

Happiness can be found is the smallest of gestures and the most fleeting moments. Not only is it important to acknowledge and savour all of these experiences but we also need to celebrate all the things that we do well on our journey. No matter how small you think the win is, take stock of it and celebrate it. Remember, you're not pushing the goal posts back, you're just forgetting to celebrate your wins before creating new goals.  

 

5. Don’t compare yourself to others:

You are a unique, wonderful human being and you are so important to your friends, family, community and world. Comparison will rob you of your happiness and success so embrace your individuality and unique spirit or energy. It is not your job to make people like you by becoming more like them! Your only job is to fall in love with the person you are and are becoming! 

 

6. Do more: 

Always do 2 more reps! Whether you are in the gym, jogging outside or finishing work on a Friday night always try to go that extra mile and push yourself a little more each day! You have it in you to over deliver and the feeling of pride when you do will help show you that you CAN do anything you put your mind to, and more!

 

7. Focus on the good things: 

When you have low self esteem it's easy to become caught up in a cycle of negativity, expectation and self loathing - your energy gravitates towards the negative aspects of your life and as a result, grows. Next time you start to feel negative, grab your phone and make a list of three things you're grateful for. It doesn't have to be big. Even wearing a pair of pants in public and not being caught out naked is a win here!

The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. It is not self indulgent, conceited or selfish to nurture your own needs or desires, in fact, it is imperative!

 

If you are ready to fall back in love with your life again and want a confidence plan to help you do it then download my FREE 7 days to unstoppable self confidence plan and get ready to feel happier, confident and more positive then ever before! 

5 Tips To Help You Feel Less Anxious About Work Tomorrow

My top 5 lifestyle and emotional wellbeing tips will help you feel calm, happy and help to increase your work productivity.

1.     Get a Little Perspective:


It’s important to remember that whilst work is a really important part of anyone’s life, it is not the be all and end all. Though your day job may feel like it eats up all of your time, the numbers don’t lie: If you spend eight hours per day at work, you still have eight hours to sleep and another eight to do what ever you want. I know for a some people reading this a 40 hour week is a dream but none the less it remains the standard thereby leaving a lot of space in your life for other things. Don't take work home with you!

Nevertheless, I know telling someone to stop worrying about work or being told to stop worrying about work can be hard! Whilst a little bit of worry or stress can spur us into action, too much can result in paralysing amounts of anxiety, paralysis by analysis and indecisiveness. It can sap us of our emotional energy and interfere with our daily life.

To help you keep this perspective try creating boundaries by focusing your emotional energy on things you CAN control. When ever you feel anxious, worried or stressed go outside for some fresh air, write down 5 things you are grateful for that day or help someone in the office who looks as anxious as you feel. 

 


2.     Get a hobby or a side project:

A side project (a free lance gig, home project or goal) or hobby will drive your passion, fuel your energy and possibly even reignite your spark again. It will take the focus away from any problems or anxieties you are feeling about work and inspire you to think more positively about your future.

I know right now it might feel like you don’t have the time for any thing else but I promise you, you do!  As I mentioned above you have up to 40 hours of free time a week that you can take advantage off! So whether it is starting a new hobby or creating a side project think carefully about how you use up this time. Because if you are currently using this binge watching Netflix or locked up in your room or house it's definitely time to find other ways to unwind.

A side project or a hobby will help you feel like you are back in control of your life again. It will give you something to look forward to, make you feel like you have a purpose again and inspire you to learn new skills, grow in confidence and vitality. 



3.     Spend more time looking after yourself and less time complaining:

While talking about the worries and anxieties can sometimes help, it usually will make things worse, especially if the person you are talking to is also an over-thinker. You might end up working yourself up into a downward negative spiral. This type of co-rumination, where two ruminators get together to over-think about their lives together, can lead both people deeper into negativity and stress.

Next time you find yourself talking about your problems ask yourself if this really helping me? If the answer is no then try other forms of self care and nurturing; read a book, make a bath, go for a nice long walk, cook a delicious meal or get a manicure or hot shave.

Not only is it important to look after yourself in periods of stress and anxiety, it's almost more important to look after yourself during periods of 'normality' as well! Regular exercise, good food and daily mindfulness will reduce the likelihood of you NEEDING a holiday or a break to unwind because you feel so burnt out. 


4.     Plan something exciting to do every day:

So many of us look forward to Friday, not just because it represents the end of the week, but also because there is usually a party, drinks out with colleagues, a nice lunch or the option to wear casual clothes. Why not spread the love out a little and where possible do something on a Monday that you usually reserve for a Friday!

 

 

5.     Have you ever really asked yourself are you even HAPPY in your job?

Because if thoughts of work keep you up at night or prevent you from enjoying your free time maybe it's time for a change! If you are feeling a little more than stressed at work there might be a bigger problem it's time to face up to!

  • Are you happy with your career direction?
  • Do you feel like you belong in your work place?
  • Do you feel fulfilled and like you are making a meaningful contribution? 
  • Are you satisfied with your work-life balance?

People decide to change careers for lots of reasons; maybe you want to earn a better salary, work in a different sector, maybe you aren't happy with the culture of your workplace or you don't get on with your colleagues! Whatever your reason is, changing jobs or looking to change roles you need a plan and confidence.

To help you make this transition, I have created a Career Change Workshop! My workshop will help you kick start your career change and discover how to find work that you love and a plan to make it happen.

I want to teach you how to build your confidence to take the plunge, how to build an exit strategy from your current job, how to overcome your fears, and how to financially prepare for a worst case scenario. Click on the link below today and kick start your career change :) http://www.thebetterlifeproject.ie/careerclinic

Episode 13, Better Life Project TV

How To Fail Better

For a lot of people trying something new, the fear of failure, judgment or rejection is enough to make people want to pee their pants a little. Fear of failure can hold us back in our lives, careers, relationships and hobbies. We are taught from a very early age that achievement is our number one goal. We must be the BEST version of ourselves, win, succeed and beat the competition.
Allow space in your life to learn and grow from your mistakes and failures. This week’s episode of Better Life Project TV is all about learning how to fail better. I understand what it is like to fail, I really do! Whether its in a competition, relationship, business project of plain ole life I have tasted failure and it feels… intoxicating! Watch this episode to find out what I mean and learn my top 5 strategies to help you fail better.

Episode 12, Better Life Project TV

With Dr. Karen Coghlan, The Nut Coach 

I have spoken at length about my struggles with my weight and an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise.  This weeks episode of Better Life Project TV with Dr. Karen Coghlan, aka The Nut Coach, gave me goose bumps. “Its just food”, says Karen – “its just food”. Karen has committed herself to helping people detach morals from food so people can lead non judgement, guilt free, happy and healthy lives. If you have ever held the belief that food is either good or bad, or if you are in need of inspiration to break free of the diet cycle this episode is a must watch for you !

Episode 11, Better Life Project TV

With Melissa Curry, Jewellery Designer and Creator of BE YOUR OWN SUCCESS

How to Imagine, Believe and Achieve with Melissa Curry Melissa's career as jewellery designer has seen her travel all around the world from Paris to London whilst collaborating with incredible brands and people such Swarovski, Absolut, Virgin Atlantic and Philippe Starck (at Bon). Melissa was living the dream that she so diligently and passionately pursued. 


However, Melissa’s life dramatically changed when her son was diagnosed with multiple health complications. All of a sudden Melissa found herself isolated, unable to work and in a financial downward spiral. 
 
During these difficult times Melissa was surrounded by a group of women who not only felt the same as she did but whom encouraged and supported each other. hese women inspired her to overcome the hurdles life put in her way and to look inside herself and find the strength again to believe that anything is possible. With self belief and determination Melissa rediscovered what it meant to be her once again stood up after she fell to achieve her dreams. 

If you have ever felt like life wants you to fail or that that your lack of confidence and self belief is too great to overcome then this Better Life Project TV is a must watch for you!

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