Why Retail Therapy Sucks

Do you ever find yourself in the midst of a really bad day and all you can think about is a new pair of shoes?

For me, I use to see shopping as a reward or a treat - a little bit of retail therapy to help me feel good about myself after a long and very hard day. The rush of dopamine after finding a bargain would coarse through my veins and for a brief moment I would forget what ever was weighing me down! 

I would live out a fantasy life that I created in my head. A new pair of shoes to complete a work outfit and I would instantly feel more confident and sophisticated! I would become that sharp, elegant woman of my dreams. I became fixated on bags, shoes and bags that were shaped like shoes!

But this isn’t healthy behaviour and it can lead to a financially troubling and emotionally tough path ahead!

I used retail therapy as a cure-all for any time I’m feeling unhappy.

You see, for so many of us we have become very good at avoiding difficult feelings and retail therapy can serve as one big avoidance technique.

We all talk about our feelings, especially women, to anyone who will listen. We analyse, pick apart and justify our feelings yet we rarely sit with ourselves and really feel them.

 

Many of us are afraid to feel our emotions, afraid of the pain, feeling like a failure or afraid of not having it together and loosing control.

We chose to ignore these feelings by distracting ourselves with shopping.  We might calm down, get alone time or treat ourselves for a brief moment when in actual fact this is just a band aid solution.

We become numb to our feelings. And we will never learn how to overcome these challenges because we bypass them by taking the first exit into the nearest clothes store.

I am not  trying to insinuate that everyone who occasionally shops to cheer up has problems. Retail therapy doesn’t have to mean “buying clothes, makeup and shoes” the way we assume it does. I know plenty of people, men included,who purchase furniture, fancy alcohols, DIY tools try make themselves feel better. 

But, if you find yourself browsing rails at every lunch break, maxing our credit cards or living for pay day maybe its time that you detox? 

I do understand though - we all need a little pick-me-up now and again, but shopping can’t and should not always be the answer. Go for a walk, call your mom, go the gym or read a book. Just don’t keep swiping your credit card to feel better. It’s just like compulsive eating or getting drunk, it will not actually make you feel better in the long run.

When you ignore your feelings and try to cover them using clothes (or other material things) you are not actually fixing anything, but it feels good enough momentarily to justify doing over and over. Thats why we keep doing it!

Next time you find yourself shopping when you are sad, pick yourself up and head to a near by park, coffee shop or just walk.

Sit with your feelings and truly allow yourself to feel and process what happened to alter your mood but just don't ignore them! I find journalling incredibly useful because it encourages me to confront and nurture my emotions, which are never usually as bad as you might think :-)

Feeling Sluggish?

In this blog post I talk about 5 things that you can implement right now to help combat fatigue. 

 

Lately, I have been feeling super run down - like a bag of potatoes that has been dragged through a field backwards.

I was feeling tired, sluggish and cranky! It was hard getting out of bed and my usual 1-2 cups of coffee wasn’t cutting it anymore. I wasn’t exercising and I was eating too much of the wrong thing!

Fun times :-( 

By taking a long hard look at my lifestyle - my day to day routine - and by taking action on things that were working against me I now feel completely rejuvenated and reenergised, like my old self again!

It's safe to say that we all go through phases of feeling sluggish and run down.

Find out what you can do right now to have limitless amounts of energy.

 

Exercise
You don’t train when you have the energy, you train to get the energy! The benefits of exercise are endless but for so many of us it becomes singular - training just for performance, aesthetics or health has become an obsession! We have forgotten that exercising for our wellbeing or happiness is equally as important.

The links between exercise and happiness have been scientifically proven. When we start exercising (specifically when we become out of breath) our brain initially recognises this as a stressful event and wants to protect us from this stress by releasing endorphins. The chemical endorphins are the hormones responsible for us feeling of happy.

To further protect us from stress when we exercise a protein called BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor) is also released. This protein is the reason why we often feel so clear and calm after exercising (another incredible benefit).

However, much like we have with food we have started to abuse our relationship with exercise.

We are very quick to use exercise to manage our weight and enhance our performance but rarely do we focus as much effort on the role exercise will play in transforming our mental and spiritual health. Exercise is one of the most powerful tools to increase a persons happiness and wellbeing. Sadly, it is probably one of the most under-utilised tools for reducing stress and anxiety, increasing happiness, positivity and over all health!

Since I started walking and training more regularly (even if I didn’t want to) nothing but good things happened.

Water
I’d say I was drinking between 1-2 litres of liquid a day, which included coffee and herbal tea. By increasing my water intake by up to 2 litres alone I felt instantly better.  A great to check how hydrated you are is to monitor your tinkle - if your tinkle is not a pale yellow means this means you most definitely would benefit from more water.  

Not only has increasing the amount of water I drink made me sharper and more alert but my skin is looking so much better too!

Sleep
Sleep is crucial for our wellbeing and health yet so many of us aren’t getting enough. I simply wasn’t sleeping enough.

The time spent lying in bed does not count as sleeping, it’s really important to understand this difference.  Even though I was lying in bed for 7 hours some nights I most certainly wasn’t sleeping for this.  

Sleepiness tends to cause slower brain waves in the frontal cortex (the problem solving part of the brain), shortened attention span, higher anxiety, impaired memory, and a grouchy mood. Conversely, a well-rested brain and body tends to have improved memory and mood.

Improving the quantity and quality of your sleep can be one of the easiest and best things to increase your happiness and health. With a good bed time routine and a little discipline you can  you can sleep for 8 hours every night. Make sure that your bedroom is cool, dark and that you avoid using any mobile devices around 30-60 minutes minutes minutes going to sleep so you can start the process of winding down. 

Food
The right food has the ability to make us feel, perform and look great. Conversely, when we feed our body rubbish, we will feel like rubbish!

Some of my biggest problems were that that I never ate enough carbs. This wasn’t because I was afraid of them, it was simply because I never knew how much was enough. I had to educate myself about how much carbs I should be eating. Now, I do not count (or save) my macros but I do understand how much of what I need to eat in order to feel good.

James has joked in the past that I am like a ticking time bomb after a dose of sugar. You can almost time the highs and lows down to the second. Whilst I really do enjoy the odd treat, sometimes it’s just not worth it!

I am mindful of what I eat and I eat with balance, moderation and perspective. I aspire to no one diet but I am inspired by them all. I eat to perform and not just in the gym but in life as well. I eat because I enjoy food and it adds value to my life.

I truly believe that food should add to your life in more ways it takes away from it.

B6
Whilst I can't speak with any authority on this I have noticed that taking a B6 supplement makes a massive difference in my day. I use to experience brain fog, and found it really difficult to concentrate but this reduced significantly when I started taking vitmanin B.

B vitamins are important for normal brain function and producing mood-boosting serotonin, with vitamins B12 and B6 being particularly beneficial for regulating your mood.

Body and Mind
Whenever I feel sluggish and run down I look to my lifestyle first and address the 5 crucial elements outlined above. 

A healthy mind can only exist in a healthy body. Our ability to add value and energy to this world is determined by what value and energy we take from it. 

Confessions of a High Achiever

Four Lessons For a High Achiever, From a High Achiever

 

For high achievers and serious goal setters there is no fear of taking ownership over their goals.

There is minimal fear of failure or judgement. The risk of rejection pails in comparison to the possibility of success. 

Adversity is fuel and obsession is second nature.

For high achievers the risks are many, but you have to be pretty "deep in it" before you encouter them. Risks for high achievers involve beings being split in two, losing balance, knowing what to sacrifice, when and how much and lastly no longer having fun.  

Yes, you have what it takes but do you know how to use what you have to your advantage? 

You know how to fight but it’s switching off that is the hard part - setting boundaries and allowing yourself to regress without feeling like your hard work will unravel and that a part of you will unravel with it!

The hardest lesson I have learned about success is that sometimes you just have to take a break to refuel, recharge and rejuvenate.

My passion split me in two.

Setting up a business is completely demanding and for the last few months I wanted - I needed - everything else in my life to feel easy by comparison! All my energy and time went into creating a business that would help people (and provide me with an income)! 

One thing that I know for certain is that right now the Better Life Project is my priority. It has to be!

For months and months I struggled with reconciling this priority with my passionate pursuit of a double body weight squat. Another full time goal in itself!

I began to dread heading to the gym, a place that was once my sanctuary, because sessions took hours and the recovery was hard in itself.

My dread manifested and I began to feel physically ill at the thought of training. I would become tired, stressed and cranky.

Sessions were wasted (and yes it is possible to waste a session, when you are chasing 150kg you can not afford as many bad sessions as I had).

After a serious chat with my wonderful James we completely changed my programme and I started to enjoy training again. But this was short lived! After several breakdowns (and breakthroughs) with the BLP I stopped training all together!

I stopped training because a long time ago I stopped enjoying the chase. The gym became a trigger instead of a sanctuary.  

I needed to take a break. I want to enjoy my love for fitness without the pressure of CONSTANTLY feeling like I have to achieve!

I just want to squat and have fun so I had to make some big changes. 

Here are a few new things I have learned about goals that I know will help my fellow high achievers. 

• Never stop having fun - The reason why my goal was my goal is because I love to squat. It makes me feel like a strong, empowered and confident bad ass! But I stopped having fun! I thought that being a high achiever meant that I had to keep going at all costs - no matter what the price, but I was wrong! There is one price which I am not prepared to pay!

Do what ever it takes to ensure that your goal will always bring joy into your life. Even if this means taking a break in order to reconnect with what made you fall in love with it in the first place! 

• Be prepared to make sacrifices that you don't like - Sometimes life just gets in the way and not every day will be shits and giggles. Make sure that when this does happen that you are prepared to sacrifice something big because something will have to give! This sacrifice will serve you in the long run.

I made a lot of sacrifices in the 12 months I was powerlifter but the price I learned I am not prepared to sacrifice is my long term health and joy!

• Listen to your body - When your body and mind needs a break it will go to great lengths to show you that. If you don't listen to your body your anxiety will manifest to poor health, your physical recovery will be slower or you will in some small way lose you sparkle. Always listen to your body and respect it. 

Your intutuion will tell you when you need to keep going but ignoring your and mind when it is really tired and own only makes you a fool!  

• Shed yourself of your ego - As high achievers it's really easy for our goals to make us feel special or significant and we feel like taking a break will make us appear weak and inferior. 

When we take ownership over our goals it means that it has become a part of our identity but you do not become a lesser version of yourself if you relinquish a part of this title. Deriving our entire worth and value through our goals and passion is not healthy!

The thing with being a high acheiver is that you think you always have to achieve, anything else is seen as failure! But, failure only happens after you quit! 

I will continue to learn and grow.

Goals are just big lessons in life, aren't they! 

The only difference between people who succeed and people who don't is that successful people will stand up every single time they fall.  

 

I am back standing again :-) 

My Secret Weapon For Leading A Happy Life

For as long as I can remember I have had a slightly crooked bottom front tooth. It never bothered me until I started drinking coffee and for all you coffee lovers out there I know you understand that that the struggle is real - coffee stains our beautiful pearly whites!

I could see the stain grow slightly darker as the months trickled on by but I kept thinking that if I ignored the stain hard enough the problem would just go away. But then I became self-conscious and for a time – with out realising it - I started hiding my smile. At the time I didn’t know how to do anything else!

I was worried about what I would have to do to fix it so it was easier to hide. I didn’t take ownership over the problem even though I was in complete control!

Ironically I didn’t stop drinking coffee either and I didnt change my teeth brushing routine! 

That was until one day the stain stopped being the problem! I had to tackle something much greater and that was how the coffee stein was making me feel – insecure, self-conscious and paranoid. 

I was firmly standing in my own way and reinforcing myself as part of the problem.

My smile, my laugh and my voice all suffered because the problem manifested into something so much greater than it ever had to be!

It was only then that I decided I had to take back control. 

I tried DIY kits and anything I could get my hands on but it never actually did anything to help. It wasn’t until I took action by seeing an expert that I became a part of the solution and no longer a part of the problem.   

Life coaching is the same!

 

Is there something in your life that that you are ignoring becasue if there is THIS is what is preventing you from having the levels of happiness, health and positivity that you desire!

Now, the problem has manifested to other areas of your life. Your confidence is dwindling, you no longer have clarity or control on the direction that you life is taking. Life is just series of boxes that you need to check. You are a victim of your routine. You feel like you are trapped on a hamster wheel, spinning in circles and getting deeper into your rut?

You need a life coach the same way I needed that dentist and in the same way you need or want a hair-dresser, doctor or therapist. I am like a personal trainer for your brain helping you work on your mental fitness. 

But what is life coaching? 

Life coaching is a future-focused practice with the aim of helping you determine and achieve your personal goals. By examining what is going on in your life right now we can discover what your obstacles or challenges might be, and choose a course of action to make your goals, ambitions and dreams a reality.   

We coast, drift and float through life as if our comfort zone was a bag pack we carry around with us.

Do you settle for what ever you have because you don’t know how to demand a higher standard from your life? 

Do you feel guilty for wanting more?

Are you afraid to ask for help because you think it will make you appear weak?

Do you beat your self up because you have no idea how to be kind and compassionate to yourself?

Being honest with our selves is hard - and in a world that is obsessed with short-term gratification and immediate results - the idea of working for happiness isn’t a palatable one at the best of times. But if being honest is hard than asking for help can feel like a gargantuan task.

Asking for, and accepting help, can make us feel weak and vulnerable.

But I am here to tell you that asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness, a sign of wisdom and not inability.

It is my secret weapon for leading a happy life. 

Our ego is the controlling part of our self that wants to feel special.

Our ego is the part of our self that resists helps, feels superior and wants to win at all that we do (even if it means that we haven't performed at our best). Our ego is the part that is telling us all negative feelings are bad. 

People often feel ashamed and hide their negative feelings and emotions. However, emotions are perfectly normal and natural for humans. 

We have the ability to feel a spectrum of negative and positive emotions. This is life's natural yin and yang and can help us create a vibrant life full of vitality. However, its our reactions and mismanagement of these emotions that often results in our inability to reach our potential.

When we suppress our negative emotions - when we avoid feeling them - we start to engage is negative behaviours like binge eating, over exercising, over watching TV, lack of motivation in life or always keeping busy in life and so much more!

It's difficult to really get the most out of life when you are hiding from it. 

But what would happen if you were no longer standing in your own way?  What steps would you take to achieve your goals? When you let go of your ego and pride and step out of your own there is no limit to what you can achieve in your life. 

What would your life be like if you allowed yourself seek the support that you deserve in order to life a life that you love? 

If you think that working with a life coach would help you than get in touch with me today to find out how I can help you can reach your potential.

Stop Fixing Yourself, I Have A Better Idea

Do you feel the need to fix yourself?

Are you working your arse off to fit into a mould and an ideal created by someone else?

We spend so much of our time, effort and money trying to change who we are because we think if we don’t fit into someone else’s mould then we are broken!

But here's the truth... we are all completely flawed, bonkers, strange, weak, strong, wonderful and mad.

We are beautifully imperfect and for some reason we are made to feel like these imperfections need to be fixed. For some of us it can be quite the obsession to fix what we think is fatally wrong. 

We waste endless amount of energy, time, money and resources trying change who we are.

This is not the key to a happy, healthy or positive life. 

(It actually blows).

The problem is not your body, mind or spirit.  The problem is how you think about your body, mind or spirit. Life is too short and to live your life confined by insecurities and feelings of unworthiness is a waste.

It's a never ending hamster wheel of trying to do something that's impossible. 

I have a better idea.

All the energy that you waste trying to fix yourself would be better much better spent trying to accept yourself first.

Flaws and all.

People think that self-acceptance is about embracing only your strengths and working on (fixing) your weaknesses, but this isn’t the case.

Self-acceptance means embracing and accepting your strengths and weakness. It means accepting your self in spite of your deficiencies. 

Flaws, weaknesses, mistakes and failures are a part of life and we should never feel ashamed, embarrassed or weak because them. By embracing the good and the bad it means you are one step closer to accepting yourself. And self acceptance is the first step on your journey to loving who you are. 

Self love mean that you care about your happiness and wellbeing. It means that you can treat yourself with love, kindness, compassion and respect. Loving who and what you are does not make you 'full of yourself' or vein. 

Your journey towards self-acceptance will start with your self-image, or how you see yourself.  There will never be anyone else with your combination of strengths, weaknesses, flaws and beauty. Do not think that you need to fix yourself because - I promise you - perfect does not exist. You are wasting your time!

You are already beautiful.  Once you shed yourself of your need to fix something that is not broken will open yourself up to so much of your own beauty!

How you see yourself will influence how you feel about yourself or yourself self-esteem. Don’t confuse confidence with self-esteem. Self-confidence refers to how you feel about your abilities but your self-esteem looks at how you feel about yourself and your value or worth as a human.

How you feel about yourself will effect how you talk to yourself. It can begin and end with the internal chatter controls our behaviours and actions. We listen to these voices as if they were gospel and we never challenge any of the negative assumptions we create about ourselves.

Our self-talk will reinforce how we feel about ourselves, and it can either be good or bad. You decide! Treat yourself with love and kindness and instead of beating yourself up when you are down be compassionate and nurturing instead. 

The journey of self acceptance is an empowering and exciting process.

It’s a much better idea then trying to fix something that isn’t actually broken.

Losing Perspective and Winning It Back

"You can be right or you can be better, but you can not be both" 

I learned a valuable lesson recently when it comes to running a business - you can be right or you can be better, but you can not be both. The same can be said for life as well. 

There are so many ways in which we prevent ourselves from achieving success and over the last few weeks I have learned about how I have been standing in my own way. 

Over the last few months I kind of got stuck in my own head a little. It wasn't that I thought I knew it all! In actual fact it was the exact opposite - there were times when I felt completely overwhelmed by how little I knew.

But I was letting my ego dictate the speed and course I was taking and, eh, this is not a good thing! It's actually a really, really bad thing!

I have also learned that you have to have a breakdown before you can have a breakthrough and I have had both in a short space of time!

In the last few weeks I have been pushed, challenged and exposed and for a brief second I felt frustrated and ashamed that as a coach I wasn't able to spot my problem and help myself sooner! 

I have no problem asking for help, but in this instance I had no idea how utterly lost I had become. 

We don't see things as they are anymore, we see things as we want them to be.

Putting things into perspective isn't just necessary when we are feeling sorry for ourselves!

It's a must when things are going well, too! Putting things into perspective is an invaluable tool to help us reflect and grow - we need to practice upwards and downwards perspective putting!

Upwards perspective is crucial if you want to continue to progress! Many of us limit ourselves by what we think we can do and because of the bubble we live in few of us will ever see what can be done!

A healthy dose of competition is a great reality check and it will help us up our own game too! Too many of us are either looking at the ground or just ahead of head us, but from now on I am going to look up!

Now that I able to see parts of my past more clearly than ever, I can see bits of myself in so many others as well!

We no longer live with perspective because we are driven by our ego.

Living with perspective means always looking at your life from above 10,000 feet with objectivity and truth. Nevertheless, in todays world so much of what I see in other people is driven by the need to feel significant - special, unique and always right. 

We can feel significant by either bigging up our perceived strengths or by playing the victim. 

Our true self has been boxed up and forgotten about. 

We strive to be the best and if we can't be the best than we can make up for those perceived short comings by talking really loud (on the internet, for example). If we are not comfortable talking loud then we play the victim. 

There doesn't seem to be an in between anymore!

Social media has become the greatest enabler to the individual ego. Every thumbs up, heart and re-tweet is validation and any sort of criticism is viewed as hate and the troll responsible is the enemy. 

As a coach I want to help people be the best version of themselves but to do this I have to empower people to actually SEE themselves.

But the truth is so many people avoid their true self because they don't think they will like what they see.  

In my case, I wanted to be better and I wanted to be right. I wanted to find the answer and the solution to my own problems and if someone else pointed them out I freaked! 

I realised that my need to feel significant in my business was in actual fact a hindrance to my success. 

Ouch!

The same can be said for you and your goals! When was the last time you made big progress towards your goal?

When was the last time you made ANY progress towards your goal? 

Even though I take great pride in what I have achieved so far, one of the greatest things that has happened to me since setting up my business (and in so many other areas of my life) was seeing first hand that the only limitations that exist in life happen when we settle. 

But don't think that you need to apologise or make up excuses for being "weak" or making mistakes. Don't hide your hard work, accomplishments and failures behind shame and embarrassment.

Your true self doesn't need to aspire to anything other the best version of you. 

I own my accomplishments and I celebrate these personal victories . However, I will always look for someone who is better so I can see that my dreams are in fact someone else's reality. This way I know it can be done!

Life is not easy or fair but life is what you make it! Worts and all, learn to accept and love who you are. 

Whilst I can now look back on the last few weeks and embrace my weaknesses as well as my strengths, I don't think this would have been possible with out taking a birds eye view on my life first! 

I can accept my faults without letting them define me and I can accept a negative mindset without letting that guide my future.  Most importantly I can accept my mistakes because it has helped me learn and grow. 

If you can take a birds eye view on your life - from 10,000 feet in the air - and embrace what and who you are (worts and all) then you can use this to take one giant leap towards your goals :-) 

​Are You Afraid To Be Yourself For Fear That Others Will Judge You?

For most of my adult life, the fear of what people thought of me kept me trapped. It had prevented me from reaching my full potential and from enjoying life to it’s fullest.

Almost 2 years ago to the day James and I set out on a journey together that would forever change the direction of my life. It was called The Better Life Project and it has been one of the most incredible things to have ever happened to me. 

But it almost never happened!

Two years ago the feeling that I was no longer living my purpose or satisfied with life was a pretty well known fact to me. My full time job no longer gave my life any meaning. I was anxious and stressed. The Better Life Project was my escape from the 9- 5 and the hours that I spent creating and coaching felt like I was living some sort of fairy tale, and I needed more of this. 

The decision to quit my full time and secure job to set out on this new – and better life – journey afforded me a lot of relief, I began to feel full on life again. I was slowly taking steps outside of my comfort zone to build the BLP and every step was like a breath of fresh air that made my like sparkly again.  

But I couldn’t bring myself to take full ownership over what I knew I wanted for fear of what people would think of me.

I knew in my heart that what laid ahead of me was running a life coaching business but I was so afraid of others peoples would think.

What would my former colleagues say when I said I was leaving a stable and secure job to  become a “life coach”?

What would my family think when I told them that I am working “to help others be happy”.

I did not allow myself to fully be present with, and accept my decision.

I buried the BLP in the back of my mind and ferociously searched for a solution. I began studying PhD programmes because, at the time, this felt like a better out or exit strategy. I justified this by convincing myself that I would pick an area that was related to the BLP. I made several inquiries until one programme suggested I make an application.

I put in weeks of research and eventually submitted my application. I convinced myself that this was what I needed to do. This felt less scary in my mind. PhD good, life coach bad.

I felt like I was waiting forever to hear back about the programme and I was devastated to hear that I wasn’t accepted.

 

That day, I experienced for the very first time the extent to which the fear of what other people think affects my life.

 

I felt like rubbish, I was stunned and terrified. I was afraid of showing people who I truly was for fear they would judge me. My true self was bursting to break out of her cage but I kept shoving her back in because I was too scared. 

I went home that day and had to ask myself some tough questions!

Who was I?

What did I want to be remembered for?

What is my passion and how can I share that with the world?

The answers were all neatly packaged with in the vision and mission that myself and James created for The Better Life Project.

I knew then that the decision to apply for a PhD programme was driven in one part by my fear and another part by my ego. I would have travelled a short distance to go from one cage to the next.

I had to take action!

When I confronted my fears I was taking the first step towards realising my potential. I had to get out of my own way so I could have what I knew I wanted.

I began to tell people about my life coaching business and I was overwhelmed by their love and support. I realised that the most difficult part of my journey so far would inspire others to let go of their fears as well, I was not alone!

The people I feared telling the most were the people that cared the least – they were too busy worrying and thinking about what others thought of them to notice me! And I was reminded that the people that did care love me unconditionally. 

I’d by lying if I said I no longer thought of what others think of me, but for the most part I can push past that to do the things I know I need to do.

I can do this because I understand that my purpose in life is to live my passion and share that with others.

The fear of what other people thought of me was a poisonous dagger, but I was the one holing it and pointing it at myself the entire time. No one else!

Freeing myself of this fear and allowing myself to accept and express my true self has been the best decision of my life.  

I am proud of who I am. 

I am a life coach. 

Make Up Free For 8 Days

Yo, ladies!

Does how you look on the outside determine how you feel on the inside and your worth as a women?

Body image certainly plays (played?) a pretty significant role in my self-esteem. Especially since going into business on my own, I find that I am reaching for as many confidence-boosting hacks as possible to support me through the roller coaster ride that is being self employed.

Nevertheless, I have been working on being my own body image advocate lately. If my best friend or young cousin said that she was feeling low, insecure and vulnerable I wouldn't tell her to hide her face, straighten her hair and wear heels everyday! I would never want her to think that her only option was to cover up and hide her authenticity.

Being your own body image advocate kind of means you treat yourself in the same way you would your daughter or best friend – with love and kindness.

Was it only ever possible for me to feel my best when I wore makeup? The honest answer was I didn't know, because I never tried.

Enter the #ComfortZoneChallenge: One week of not wearing makeup, doing my hair or wearing heels.

I wasn't honouring the message that I believe in, that confidence and self-esteem came from with in! I wasn't honouring it because I avoided having to live it! 

Makeup, having nicely done hair and wearing heels are my go to hacks to boost my self-esteem. I even recorded an episode of BLP TV on it a few months ago.

However, if we let it, our confidence, self esteem and happiness will be solely determined by how we look! I think it's OK to get help from these sort of things but if I was honest with myself makeup represented more than help, it became a condition!

My #ComfortZoneChallenge represented the first of many challenges that would stretch my beliefs around what confidence means and how it can be achieved (I know this will always happen outside of my comfort zone).

I quickly realised that being able to do my makeup and hair represented taking the easy option.

On Day 2 - a Saturday night - I was due to go out. I was thinking wouldn't life be just a lot easier if I was able to put on,  even just a little, foundation! I wouldn't have to worry about what people would think when they saw the small spot that has taken residence on my chin. 

You see, our brains are hardwired to chose the easy solution.

And that easy solution was not having to face going out into the world without my make up – but it was more than just going out into the world on a an average day. It was a night out when women get dressed up to the nines!

In the past, rather than having to face up to my insecurities I would regularly decide to hide behind makeup. At the time, it was easier than asking myself why I was so insecure.

I now know I felt insecure because I was not certain of what would happen when I didn't wear make up. I wasn't certain of how I would feel or what people would think, what I would think! But the world didn't end and I felt more beautiful than ever. 

Our body image plays such a big role in determining our self worth because we let it.

We see it everywhere, especially on social media. They almost had me convinced! But then you see the odd post and it gives it all away -  a woman remarks on how fluffy, pudgy or wobbly she is feeling and this means she is having a bad day? 

A "fat" day should not mean a bad day, we need to separate these feelings and learn to manage and control them. If we let our bad body image days equal are bad days the only thing this reflects is that we value – too much – what is on the outside and have forgotten that there is life beyond #shamelessselfies.

Women will sweat buckets in the gym to tighten their abs (Ab check anyone? Would ya ever feck off with that one!) in preparation for a night out yet dedicate no visible time to actually developing their self esteem i.e their mental health. 

I am going to create a #UnconditionalLoveCheck because that sh*t matters more (and before you say it, no, abs do not hold exclusive rights over your worth as a human being).

I really want to see more women work on their self esteem outside of the gym! 

Its not about the makeup!

The one thing that, I guess, got my goat was the barrage of you don't need make up, beautiful without it, clear skin comments I was getting from friends and social media. I was very grateful for each and every comment but at the same time it was also annoying!

It wasn't about needing anything! For 15 + years I have been hiding behind makeup and nice hair (only recently heels) because of how it makes me feel. When I put the war paint on, I literally feel like I can take on anything!

(Have you ever had a day where you forgot your make-up or didn't have your fake eyelashes, eyebrows or fake tan on? I have, and I panicked!)

But this isn't the message that I want to stand for, hence the challenge!

It's about how you FEEL when you are wearing makeup - how this armour protects you from the world! I wore makeup because I felt afraid without it but what I want to be is a woman who wears it because she is empowered by creativity. 

I learned that when you make a conscious decision not to wear makeup your mind takes over and you begin to look for and rely on other things to make you feel good. I want the choice to feel this way!

I did my #ComfortZoneChallenge for 8 days and if I am honest with you it was easier than I was expecting but there were definitely a lot of firsts, and that Saturday night was hard! I was self conscious at first, a little shy and very curious of other women.

I noticed  other women spending a very long time reapplying make up, taking selfies and fixing their hair. Wasting the company of others because they were worried about about how they looked! 

But I wasn't worrying about any of that because there was nothing there to worry about! When you stop being so critical of yourself and worried about looking a certain way you free up a lot of energy that you'll then be able to put to good to good use - like being present and having fun. 

Confidence and self-esteem has to come from within!

In order to truly feel it and love your body and life unconditionally you gotta be able to stand but ass naked in front of the mirror and the only thing you need to be thinking is “damn girl, you look fine”.

My #ComfortZoneChallenge brought me one step closer to my goal of unconditional self love. It was totes worth it :-) 

NEED A BOOST IN CONFIDENCE?

DO YOU WANT SOMEONE TO SHOW YOU STEP-BY-STEP HOW TO...

+ breakthrough fear + self-doubt + negativity
+ tap into your inner strength, confidence and beauty  
+ understand your value and worth

If that's a YES, then the 7 Days to Unstoppable Self Confidence online programme is for you!

Is Fat The Worst Thing a Woman Can Be?

We are living in a world where most women only feel beautiful when they are slim.

And only slim and beautiful women can feel happy.  

Do you believe that in order to love who you are, you must first of all change who you are? 

We spend endless amounts of time, energy and resources sculpting our bodies as if they were the key to unlocking happiness.  Society behaves as if fat is the worst thing that can happen to a human being.

But what's worse is that we believe it!

If we are constantly trying to fit into what society says is perfect we will spend our best years chasing something that doesn't even exist! First it was Marilyn Monroe, Twiggy, Elle MacPherson, Kate Moss, Kim Kardashian... the list goes on and not one body type is the same!

If your level of happiness is directly tied to your level of body fat than I am at a 
personal loss to understand how happy I "should" feel. I am somewhere in between muscular and wobbly, athletic and voluptuous, lean and jiggly!

There are times when I am desperate to fit into a category just so I can feel like I belong! So, instead of embracing my uniqueness I insist on shaving parts off me (figuratively, of course) in order to fit a mould.  

This compartmentalisation really got me thinking! 

As much as I want to feel like I fit in, I also hate categories and labels! As a women I understand that my body will change (puberty, pregnancy, menopause). My body won't always fit into the same category.

Body acceptance is a difficult and challenging journey that I would prefer to only tackle once. There is such a large part of me that just wants to love me.  I want to embrace my uniqueness! But I am usually catapulted back into the body image merry-go-round by some ass hole who says my wobbly bits are not loveable. 

I effin love my wobbly bits, ass hole!

But there is one body type category that is constantly under fire, shamed and criticized! It has been ongoing for so long that young women have developed self limiting, fear inducing beliefs around what this body type means for their happiness and their life. 

Resources are being used to tackle the nutritional causations and to promote the importance of physical activity - the physical and medical side is progressively being looked after!

But what about the beliefs these young women are developing about themselves as human beings? Young women believe they are ugly, worthless and undeserving all because of a three letter word. 

Who is is going to tackle that?

Do you believe that fat can be beautiful?  

Do you believe that only beautiful women can be happy? 

Fat bodies are believed to be lazy, ugly, inactive, unattractive, asexual, unhealthy, unsuccessful and unhappy.

Our attitudes to fat are such that we perceive things like wearing bikinis, revealing clothes, dancing and sport off limits for fat people - these are healthy things reserved for healthy people!

We expect fat people to want to lose weight and be healthy but we forbid them from doing it in public – we forbid fat people from engaging in healthy things! We act as if our judgemental and hurtful comments are fair and in the name of their health and happiness.  

Fat women are mocked if they do healthy things – photos are taken, comments that can never be taken back are made and articles are written that reaffirm the same ideals and beliefs that fat is ugly.

We have been taught to fear fat. We have internalised this fear so much that our culture does not allow us to contemplate beauty, happiness, health and success if you are fat.

We forget that there is our mental health as well. We forget that body acceptance is about more than just conforming. We forget that life is about more than what people can see on the outside. We forget that all people, regardless of their size, can love their body!

Yes, she can be happy!

You can accept your body and still want it to look and perform differently

Did you know that it’s OK for a fat person to be so in love with their own body and life that they accept both unconditionally? Body acceptance is about loving who you are without judgement, fear or criticism. 

Were you ever taught that this was OK?

When we see big women in bikinis, shorts and crop tops we think “they shouldn't be wearing that. They need to dress for their body type. They don't look healthy”. We rationalize our own discomfort this way!

Are fat people forbidden from enjoying their bodies even if they are unhealthy? Should fat people refrain from wearing bikinis, short skirts and crop tops because of their perceived poor physical health?

Have you forgotten that our mental health is just as important? That time you saw a fat person wearing a bikini could have been the day they liberated themselves from the shackles society put them in with one glorious "f*ck you, fat can be beautiful".

On the other hand you might even think fat people are courageous for showing off their body!

However, I would rather not be the reason they feel courageous. Because if I am the reason they feel courageous I am also a part of the reason why so many other women live in fear of their bodies.

I would like to think as women we can wear whatever we want because of how it makes us feel - all women are allowed take pleasure in their body!

Fat shaming is the standard response when we see fat people owning their body and rocking it with confidence. Fat shaming disgusts me!

If a size 10 walked around with the same confidence as a fat person would there be a problem? No! A fat person who owns their body has what what we all want (happiness and confidence), they just got there without the diet.

I would like to think that there is more to our bodies than how they look. I believe that bodies are more than things to be made skinny, lean and pretty and I would  like to be the sort of person that supports women feel beautiful. All women!

Loving our bodies is a difficult and important journey for all women (and men) and regardless of our size we all have a right to feel beautiful.

Fat people are beautiful. Fat women are beautiful. And my wobbly bits are bleedin' gorgeous!

* Fat bodies: Initially I was very uncomfortable using the words “fat people” in this blog,  but after a lot of research I discovered that these are the very words used by body image activists all over.

* To the women in this photo: I chose this photo for my blog because I thought it was really important to include a photo of a beautiful and happy looking women. You were it! I thought of cropping your head from the photo to protect your privacy but then I asked myself would I do this if you were a a size 10, and the answer was no!

My Top Three Secrets to Make Your Goal a Reality

It's no secret how much I LOVE goals and over the years I have developed some tips and tricks that help me make my goals a reality. So, here are my top three secrets to make YOUR goals a reality

Secret 1: Create a clear plan

Get a pen and a piece of paper and write down a plan! It doesn't matter how big or small you think your goal is. It is important that you take the time to get to know your goal, take control of your goal and break it down it manageable pieces. 

I always create at least three milestone (or mini-goals) that will show me I am moving closer to my goal (remember, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time). We will get bored if we are working on the same thing for too long - our brains need variety diversity and excitement. Milestones will help you maintain focus and keep motivated.

Do you know what you need to be doing each day to achieve your goal? Success is built off habit so create tasks that will support your goal and do these often.

Secret 2: Take ownership over your goals

Research shows that when we take ownership over something, including our goals, we are more committed to it. Taking ownership over goals means it becomes "ours" thereby becoming part of our identity. 

Don't be afraid to talk about your goals either, and dont be afraid of what people might think of you - it is only ever small minds that judge big goals. 

Secret 3: Have FUN with what you value

If a goal does not reflect what you value in life you won't fight for it when things get tough and if you don't have fun with your goals that and it doesn't make you happy the goal becomes a form of punishment. 

And because I really want to help you...

Secret 4: Get Help

I guess this one isn't much of a secret! We can't be an expert in everything and sometimes we just need an extra pair of eyes to see something we are missing, or an extra set of hands to pick us up if we are struggling. 

If you are becoming frustrated by your lack of progress or need to reboot your motivation than I can help! I want to help :-)  

I am running a goal setting seminar on the 18th April and I would love to see you there :-) 

During this seminar you will learn how to create clear, realistic and exciting goals. 

Not only this but you will also learn 4 practical strategies to help you overcome failure.

I can guarantee that you will walk away from this seminar feeling more motivated than ever!

If you are ready to make your goals a reality then book your spot today, before its too late.

Date: 18th April 

Venue: Ulster Room, Best Western Dublin Skylon Hotel, Upper Drumcondra Road, Dublin 9

Time: 10am - 12 Noon

Tickets: €35

Spaces Are Limited!