BLOG
Read the latest blogs on how you can
live better, be better and feel better.
We decide how something is going to make us feel but we are very good at reacting to events in a certain way because we believe that is what is expected of us.
I had a major breakthrough on this recently. Check out this video to find out what, and enjoy!
Have you ever wanted to DISCOVER your PURPOSE and learn how you can LIVE a DEEPER and more MEANINGFULL life (and have fun whilst you are at it)!
Check out this short video to learn more, I am so excited for you!
Your confidence plan, as I like to call it, is similar to the type of programme you would follow in a gym (except without the sweat bands). As a life coach it's my job to help you create one, the same way it’s the job of your personal trainer to help you create a fitness plan.
A good work out will consist of some sort of warm up, a strength component and a high intensity block at the end - I want you to think of boosting your confidence in the same way. Your confidence building plan is made up of a reps and sets of carefully selected exercises that will help grow your self confidence.
And like all good workouts adequate fuel and recovery is crucial.
People often confuse confidence with self esteem so its important to draw the distinction!
Confidence refers to how we feel about our abilities (people and future) whilst self esteem refers to how we feel about ourselves - our worth and value!
But did you know that there are two different types of self confidence?
General self-confidence is that that “I can handle it feeling”. People who are generally self-confident do not dwell on negative consequences and usually view outcomes optimistically. They have high self-esteem, which basically refers to the emotional feeling we have about our own self worth. Generally self-confident people appear to take more risks, do not question themselves and believe that they can handle any problem.
Specific self-confidence is based on experience and is that “I’ve been successful in this area before” feeling. People who have specific self-confidence have experienced success and generally do not question their ability or worth in this task. People who have specific self-confidence may have low self esteem or self belief outside the area they are confident in.
Some psychologists believe that general confidence is a personality trait but that specific confidence is a state of mind and can be learned, influenced and developed. Therefor, specific confidence can be the building block for general confidence.
Have you felt this distinction in your every day life before? You can perform very complex tasks in work, interact and converse with your colleagues with confidence but if approached by a guy in a bar you become shy and introverted.
It's easy to forget that our brains need a work out too. Nevertheless, the rewards from increased confidence and a deeper understanding of your value and worth will help ensure that your mental fitness will never be neglected again.
A confidence building programme will as no one persons journey will be the same. We are all unique! Your confidence building plan will empower you to take controlled and measured steps outside of your comfort zone - a toxic resting place where fear, doubts and insecurities fester.
Whether it is working on becoming more confident in your body, expressing an opinion or gaining clarity about your future you will need to start with a warm up. Tools like visualisations, dressing to impress or listening to your favourite song will help get you in an empowered state of mind.
A crucial part of your plan will be to pursue real life experiences, you must take action - baby steps - in the area that you want to become confident in. This is like the strength component of your work out and this is the foundation from which your future success will be built. You can not talk your way to increased self confidence, the same way you can't talk your way to being stronger, fitter or faster! This part can be hard and scary but there is no greater sense of joy or pride then being responsible conquering your own fears.
Once you have taken your first baby step the post event analysis will kick in. Breaking bad habits such as over analysing, comparing and self doubt can cause anxiety, guilt and even shame. We begin to wish we had done something differently, better or not at all. We obsess over the past and dishonour ourselves and our journey in the process. The high intensity block will sometimes feel like the hardest. Your heart rate is through the roof, you are out of breath and your muscles ache. You FEEL everything deeply and sometimes you just want to give up, but you have to persevere! Positive affirmations and a compelling goal will see across the finish line.
And in much the same way your muscles will need to be stretched, nourished with enough food and rested after exercise you will need to supplement your confidence building plan with lots of self care too.
When your goal is to achieve great things you will experience some challenges, but the difference between people who succeed and people who don't is that successful people will always stand back up. This is why self care is so important. To honour yourself and your journey by showing as much love and kindness to yourself as you might show other people in our life.
1 x 5 entries into your positivity journal
1 x 5 entries into your gratitude journal
1 x 10-15 positive affirmations
1 - 5 x visualisations of major events
1 x weekly and monthly goal
1 x lodging into your success bank
Protein shakers full of love, kindness and compassion
These are just a few of the many things you can do to increase your self confidence. You can track and measure your progress in your confidence building journal and make a list of all the things that you need to do each day. Every step you take out of your comfort zone and every new experience is a confidence PR and you should feel very proud! Celebrate these moments :-)
A clear and uniquely designed plan of action will make boosting your self confidence fun, empowering and doable.
Have you tried doing some of them? If not, it’s time that you start confidence building programme, because your brain needs a work out too!
+ breakthrough fear + self-doubt + negativity
+ tap into your inner strength, confidence and beauty
+ understand your value and worth
If that's a YES, then the 7 Days to Unstoppable Self Confidence online programme is for you!
In my work with women I talk a lot about how we can honour ourself. This means that we look after and show ourselves as much love and kindness as we might show other people in our life.
If it ever feels like you are more present for other people, that you are more connected and in tune with the needs of people around you or that you want to please everyone then it is time you start to show some appreciation to yourself.
You need to fill your own tank so that you can take care of the people around you.
Here are some simple ways that you can honour yourself more:
1. Redefine the word selfish
Spending time refuelling and nurturing your own individual needs does not make you selfish. In order to care for and love those around with the intensity and passion that you want to be remembered for it is so important that look after you. Your needs and desires are important. Self care is not self indulgent, it is an act of self preservation.
2. Spend Time With Your Thoughts and Emotions
We all talk about our feelings, especially women, to anyone who will listen. We analyse, pick apart and justify our feelings yet we rarely sit with ourselves and really feel them. For so many of us we have become very good at avoiding difficult feelings. Many of us are afraid to feel our emotions, afraid of the pain, feeling like a failure or afraid of not having it together and loosing control.We chose to ignore these feelings by distracting ourselves with shopping, beauty treatments etc. We might calm down, get alone time or treat ourselves for a brief moment when in actual fact this is just a band aid solution. We become numb to our feelings.
3. Get Creative
Creativity can help to revive your passion and lust for life. When we are being creative we become lost in the moment (this is also know as flow) and we stop thinking about what we shouldk/would/could do and instead live in the moment.
4. Your Body Is A Temple
We all know by now that certain foods, chemicals, and substances can work against us in all areas of life, so make sure that you put into your body things that will make you feel good. If you are feeling imbalanced in life make sure to address what foods and drinks you are consuming first.
5. Get Physical
As women we sometimes live in fear of our body. We are made to feel like our bodies are only props to express beauty. But our bodies are so much more than objects to make lean, pretty or skinny. Our bodies are vehicles for us to express and feel strength, speed, agility, mobility, flexibility and so much more! It is time we celebrate what our bodies can do.
These are just a few of the many things you can do to honour yourself. Have you tried doing some of them? If not, it’s time that you start saying yes to yourself!
If you could name just one thing that is holding you back from a living a life you loved, what would it be?
For me, it was never understanding my intrinsic worth or value as a women. I use to think that my beauty, "skinniness", popularity, stylishness or intellect would define my self worth!
Watch this short video and discover how you can start your self acceptance journey!
Some of the best things in the world take time but there are a lot of us who still think that if we close our eyes and wish really, really hard it will just magically happen for us.
Like another hour in the day will mysteriously appear…
When you're facing a big, messy task that requires consistent, hard effort, you can feel so helpless...
This could include anything from finishing a major project to restoring a strained relationship to losing weight or looking for a job.
But it can even include cooking dinner, calling your mom or showering.
When you are feeling stressed out all tasks appear great. Big and small!
We have filled our time with so much, we have lost track of time.
For me that even includes checking Face Book - my brain is bard wired to habitually check my Facebook news feed for absolutely no other reason that I am being lazy, forgetful and curious.
Up until now the chances are you have been asking yourself the wrong question...
Essential items or tasks are work that will serve your greater purpose, work that needs to get done in order to progress the things in life that are important to us...
Work that my future self will be thank full I did.
Completing tasks that are expected of me means that the question driving my behaviour– in that moment – is “will this make someone else happy?”, “is it easier to just say yes?”, “ive always done so I should keep on doing it?" or "Its too late to change who I am".
We get stuck in habits and routines more often than not because we have lost focus and our attention has shifted - sub consciously - to do what is expected of us instead of what is essential.
Keep your focus sharp on what is essential to your future and forget all the rest.
I mean, for a lot of people being happy is not as easy as just saying "oh, im going to be happy today", which is what I infer from people who suggest that happiness is a choice.
Yeh, for certain very self aware people you can THINK your way to happy but for most of us we need to ACT on it!
For most of us happiness takes WORK!
Happiness is a feeling (usually a positive one ,obviously, like joy, gratitude, love, hope, pride) but its also feeling a sense of satisfaction about the direction your life is moving in.
Just like thinking about going to the gym won't make you feel any fitter sometimes thinking about happiness won't make you feel any happier.
I think we have to be really careful about making statements like "happiness is a choice" without providing any context.
Yes, you can make yourself happy. We can control up to 40% of our over happiness by engaging in happiness increasing activities like exercise, goal setting, practicing acts of kindess or gratitude. This is awesome but this is WORK!
I think the most relavent statement I have ever heard about happiness is "Happiness works for me, when I work for happiness".
We sabotage our own happiness because we sometimes get confused between what you think will make you happy and authentic happiness.
There are a few tools and strategies I am excited about sharing with all the participants at my live event for ladies on the third October.
Make sure you to check it out if you would like to learn more about happiness and how you can manage your state of mind :-)
Do you compare yourself to other women and then feel bad about yourself, your career, your relationship or your body?
Do you doubt yourself and get stuck in indecisiveness and confusion about what you want?
Do you hold yourself back because you think you are not ready or not enough?
I remember standing in the bathroom in my moms house, staring at my reflection with complete desperation. I just wanted to change, be better, loose weight, feel happier, achieve my goals.
I was 26 and I still wasn’t happy in my own skin. I thought these things were suppose to get easier the older you got.
I was in a wonderful relationship and I just started a really exciting new job but how I felt about myself - the comparing myself, doubting myself, holding myself back - was crushing me.
My lack of self esteem was paralysing.
I was at a crossroads! I didn't want to spend another minute hating my reflection because for the first time ever I finally started to see that there were so many more amazing things that needed my time, energy and focus.
I knew that if I continued on the path I was on I would hold myself back from achieving all that I wanted from life.
I learned that there were so many amazing things waiting for us at the end of our fear. When we actively and consistently pursed real life experiences, embraced our fear of failure, judgement and rejection and acted anyway life started to get really awesome.
I had no idea that every time I stood in my own way or allowed fear to rule my behaviour I was giving up a piece of my personal power. Power that would have enabled me to thrive, flourish and reach my potential. Power that was unique to me and my future!
My body wasn’t the enemy, but after 26 years of punishing it for not looking the way I thought it should, I finally started on my journey towards self acceptance self love.
It took me a little longer to end the cycle of self doubt that meant hiding my opinion and quietening my voice.
I was nervous that as a women I was too strong and I would make the boys feel bad. I didn’t stand up for myself or “lean in” nearly as much as should have - I was nervous that I would be found out and labelled a fraud.
It was hard trying to reverse 26 years of hiding in the shadows. But it wasn’t impossible.
Every day I see clients who hold themselves back because they think they are not ready. They spend their life hiding and waiting for all the conditions they have placed on their happiness to materialise.
She hides her ideas and opinions; she never approaches men and so pushes away romance and maybe even love; she wants to feel beautiful in her own skin but instead of loving it she hides it in clothes.
Pursue real life experiences - whether you feel fear or not - and you can start to live the lifeyou have always wanted!
(Limited time offer only. Early bird price expires 15th September.)
Live Event
It all started with a trip to Dundrum Town Centre with my mom! We were window shopping for an outfit for my 30th.
I left the apartment feeling happy and positive. I looked nice – i'm pretty sure about 75% of the people who saw me appreciated the eye full of cleavage they got when my top button kept popping. Fun times!
As I walked into the shopping centre and I was struck with this wave of insecurity.
Everywhere I looked there was girls so fashionable they could have some straight from a catwalk. And, I was wearing a 4 year old shirt and a pair of jeans my sister gave me.
But it was like stepping into another universe that required a complete shift in mindset (and for a second I thought an outfit change as well).
I am no stranger to insecurities. I spent half my college life either hiding in the library or driving myself to and from college so I could change my outfit.
I remember on one particularly dismal day driving home simply to change my shoes.
Since reaching my last 20s I have developed a much stronger sense of self! I no longer rely on my appearance as my only form of expression. Nor do I only view my body as something to be decorated and adorned, sucked in or made skinny.
But on this day I walked through the shopping centre with a weight of self doubt and insecurity on my shoulders (maybe that was why my button kept popping?) that was crushing me.
I felt like I wasn’t good enough! I felt I looked frumpy, unfashionable and almost unworthy to be in other people’s presence.
This wave of insecurity hit me again on Saturday night when I went out for my friends 30th. I was becoming frustrated at myself.
As I was getting ready I was obsessed with everything that I thought was "broken". The break out on my skin. My full and bloated belly. My big legs. My scraggly hair.
All i could see were things I wanted to hide, cover up and change.
I hated these feelings. I worked so hard to overcome the difficulties I faced in my 20s – did this mean all my work was unravelling?
When I was shopping in Dundrum I realised it was the first time in a long time that I was in that sort of environment. I am so use to being in the gym wearing my gym clothes or with clients when my mind is completely focussed on them.
As I was walking to the coffee shop where I was meeting my mum I thought that everyone was staring at me! My demons WERE telling me that everyone WAS starting at me because i was ugly, fat and unworthy.
For a split second I allowed my inner demons to beat me. I was feeling completely suffocated!
But then in came Beyonce, my positive voice - my personal power!
Negative affirmations are replaced with positive assurances of beauty, worth and positive experiences.
"I was not put on this earth to just look pretty", "I am enough", "My insides are so beautiful they sparkle".
My skin looks rough because I enjoyed a day of eating chocolate and my belly was bloated because I ate home made potato chips for dinner. My legs are not fat they are strong! My hair would give Rupanzel a run for her money!
On Saturday night I threw on black jeans and a black top. I threw my hair into a high bun and I walked around town and the nightclub like I was a lost Victoria Secret model looking for her catwalk
I was not going to let the demons win!
And that’s the difference between 30 year old Sarah and twenty-something year old Sarah.
The demons no longer win.
I am confident.
I understand my worth and my value.
But I have moments of crippling insecurity that would knock you off your feet.
I do not dwell on these bad experiences or moments. I do not let myself get sucked in or defined by them. It is a moment that I allow myself to feel, to understand then to move away from.
Today, the difference is that I am able to recall my positive voice (Girl, you know I call her Beyonce) and I am able to fight off the demons one flick of the hips and one shake of the ass at a time.
+ breakthrough fear + self-doubt + negativity
+ tap into your inner strength, confidence and beauty
+ understand your value and worth
If that's a YES, then the 7 Days to Unstoppable Self Confidence online programme is for you!
Confidence gives you the power to conquer the world (or at the very least your fears). Here are 5 ways you can boost your confidence and be awesome at everything you do.
1. VISUALISE
Visualisation (also known as mental imagery) is a brilliant tool that will help you achieve your goals. It is the process of creating a mental image or intention for what you want to happen in your life. It makes the future clearer, which is the first step toward creating it.
2. LISTEN TO MUSIC
Music has the ability to instantly transform your mood. Have you ever listened to a super upbeat song and felt completely reenergised as a result? Create an uplifting playlist on your music player and listen to this when you need to psyche yourself up.
If you are feeling adventurous turn the music up really loud and dance around your bedroom - swear I've never done that before ;-)
3. FAKE IT 'TILL YOU MAKE IT
If I believed that I was not going to get the job (for e.g), that belief may have led me to alter the strategies I used for interview preparation and I would probably perform way below my best. While I may have had a good chance of succeeding, my belief hindered my performance and I made this belief become reality.
Psychological research shows that the self-fulfilling prophecy works for both negative and positive predictions - the beliefs you hold have an impact on what happens to you. In order for you to succeed at what ever you put your mind to you need a belief so strong in your self that you can overcome any set back!
4. DRESS TO IMPRESS (YOURSELF)
How we perceive ourselves plays a massive role in how we feel about ourselves. For me, wearing heels instantly boosts my confidence (I feel like rockstar) and even wearing leopard print will give me a little boost too. Appearances can make a difference, so throw on that work dress that makes you feel sharp because how you see yourself will influence how you feel about yourself.
It is important to not rely on this confidence boosting ritual all the time! Yes, it can play a role but lasting confidence will come from the inside. Make sure to check out my 7 Days to Unstoppable Self Confidence online programme you would like to learn more.
4. BODY LANGUAGE
The more space your take up in a room the more confident you will feel. So, don't forget even if you feel small, sad or are full of self doubt taking up more physical space will make you appear (and there for feel) more confident!
Try it now - sit up straight and pull your shoulders back, puff your chest and lift your chin so that it is parallel to the floor.
5. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
Positive Affirmations are short positive statements targeted at a specific set of negative beliefs. Replacing these negative beliefs (or negative self-talk) with positive and nurturing affirmations will help you achieve a more confident life - it is a kind of "brainwashing" that you are in control of. Affirmations are proven methods of self-improvement because of their ability to rewire our brains and using positive affirmations can help us to keep focused on our inner goals. The more determined you are to make a change the better they will work for you.
YES! Affirmations really work. All our inner dialogue and self-talk is an affirmation of some kind, that if repeated continually will become a part of our life experiences and beliefs. The chances are the affirmations you have been using up until now have been working against you, and not for you! It't time to chance the record :-)
+ breakthrough fear + self-doubt + negativity
+ tap into your inner strength, confidence and beauty
+ understand your value and worth
If that's a YES, then the 7 Days to Unstoppable Self Confidence online programme is for you!
