Life is Like a Heavy Squat

We do not look down.

There is nothing at our feet that will make us stronger.

There is a reason why when we are squatting we look up and lead with our head.

We find a spot in front of us, just above eye height and we focus on that.

This spot become our anchor.

We set up strong and take 1-2 steps back.

Tuck your elbows in. Grip the bar. Tighten your arse. Cock your neck back. Deep breath through the belly. Stable core. Eyes on the anchor.

When there is a weight on your shoulder your attitude will make or break you.

There is a reason why, when we are at the bottom of the hole, that we look up….

Because that is where we need to end up.

With every ounce of strength we remain focused on our anchor. 

We focus our efforts on where we need to end up.

Drive the knees out. Rip the ground a part with our feet. Big chest. Head up.

We focus our efforts on where we need to end up. And we stand up. 

Or we stare at the ground. At a place that will not serve us, help us or empower us.

When there is a weight on your back there is only one place you should be looking and that is up. Find your anchor and work towards it.

Do not look down. There is nothing there for you.

The same can be said for life.

Always keep your head up.

What To Do When You Have A Sad Friend

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.”

I like to think my job as a friend includes being a candle (preferably vanilla scented).

Let me explain why, and listen up because this is REALLY important!

It can be a very difficult to watch someone you love get sucked in by their gremlins. Darkness becomes their new best friend and you feel like all you can do is take a front row seat.

But rather be in the front row than waiting for them outside.

Being sad sucks ass. When you feel sad you don’t have the courage to talk to anyone because you don’t understand how. You think your sadness will be a burden that someone else will have to carry.

You think it’s just a phase and it will blow over. And, you are probably right. It will blow over. 

But you deserve more than that. You deserve happiness and health and magic in your life.

When you don’t talk to someone the sadness takes hold and it turns into something you don’t understand anymore.

It’s a dark veil that covers your mind and your heart. You can’t make sense of your feelings anymore. Your sadness takes over.

But that doesn’t change anything about your worth.

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

So when you are looking at your friend and she has tears in her eyes you repeat the words  “you are never alone”. 

When you are concerned about a friend I know it can be difficult to start a conversation whilst finding the right things to say.

But the most important thing you can do is listen respectfully and mindfully.

Listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart. 

Listening with all of your organs means that you are fully present.

Don’t prepare your response or think about what you’re going to say back. Just. Listen.

Do not put pressure on them. Ask open questions but let them do most the talking. Ask them how they feel and let them know that you will always be there.

Talking helps people makes sense of their world. If your best friend is an extrovert (likes to talk) then let them talk. Say things that make her feel loved and safe.

• You are not alone
• You are important to me
• I am always here for you

If your friend is a little more introverted and finds it harder to externalise her inner dialogue you can still be her candle. Remember the following:

• Do not interrupt
• Don’t be afraid of long, paused silences.
• Respect their introversion. Don’t force them into a conversation they are not ready for.
• Be patient.
• An introvert’s energy is limited so tread softly.
• Say all the things you would say to your extroverted friend and then sit back and wait.

Avoid, at all costs, saying something like this. Just don’t!

• It’s your fault
• Try not be so sad. Just try!
• So you are sad – you are always sad these days.
• Stop feeling sorry for your self.
• Life is not fair. No one ever said life was fair.

It’s your job as the friend with the candle to guide her back into the light. She will follow your voice.

But don’t forget that candles burn out as well.

As committed you are to helping your friend it is imperative that you look after yourself as well. As counter intuitive as this may sound supporting someone (no matter how much you love them) can be challenging and draining.

For every hour you spend with your friend take 10-20 minutes out for yourself and practice self-care.Self-care is not about self indulgence but rather self-preservation. 

You still have a job, hobbies and other relationships. You can’t water a plant with a leaking watering can or drive a car with no petrol. Protect yourself!

No matter how much you love your friend and how much you want to be there for her when she is sad, your life shouldn’t stop because of it. You want to be there at the drop of a hat for her so you need to refuel, reenergise and rejuvenate as often possible. 

Friends around the world remember that we are either the candle or the friend in need. 

Check out the Samaritans link below for some more advice on how you can talk to someone you worried about.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say, Don’t Say Anything At All….

I don’t get it.

Call me naive.

Call me dumb.

But I don’t get it.

I don’t think there is one mom out there who has not uttered the words “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

And yet there are so many wankers out there spewing there negative toxic shite. 

I can ignore 83.33 % (totally made up number) of it but I am a sensitive soul so some stuff gets in and I want to talk about the principle behind it.

I am 29-year-old entrepreneur trying to make a go at her dreams (The BLP).

When you like the Facebook page and subscribe to my emails I believe we are in a mutually beneficial relationship. I am doing you a favour because I am not afraid to share my life in order to HELP YOU. You are doing me a favour by showing me that you are interested in all my shenanigans – reading, sharing etc. 

If we are connected in some way we can help each other  – HELP being the operative word here!

Ok, so lets get back to the principle I spoke about earlier.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

For the people that I don’t know you are part of the 88.33% who criticise me and that I don’t listen to. For the remaining 11.67% (another made up number) that I do know and criticise me… here is the beef I have with you.

You have never done anything to support me, help me grow or nurture me.

You poke fun at me. You declare my business unprofessional because I can’t spel (that’s just for you!). You make jabs. You question my authority to help and support people based on a qualification. You like my business page out of pity and you don’t believe that I can make it.

You do all of this and you have never once reached out to me to ask how I am. I have given up so much for the BLP and I will continue to make sacrifices to make my dream a reality (But how messed up is this world that we need to sacrifice in order to achieve our dreams?). 

If you followed me you would actually know that I regularly ask for feedback, but you don’t follow me. You just poke holes. And you are never the only one. I have to deal with negativity EVERYWHERE. 

If you want to offer me constructive feedback, than bring it! Sit me at a table and tell me what I could do differently. But tell me what you love about what I am trying to do with my life first. I deserve support, love and compassion from the people that I know. 

WE ALL DESERVE THIS! We all deserve a chance to make our dreams a reality.

Do you want to be a part of my success? Or do you want to be a reason why I fail?

Show me that you will support me, help me grow and nurture me. Show me that you want to be a part of my success.

If the first time you engage with the business or me is to make fun, criticise or poke holes then the problem is not me, it’s you!

I know it’s really hard to see people around you do things you have always wanted to do. They have broken free of the same shackles that are holding you back. They are living the life that you always thought you would have and they are happy.

Envy and jealousy are the root causes of so much hate in this world. I can say this because there is not a day that goes by that I don’t feel it.

I have taken my motto –  “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” – one step further.

I WILL FIND SOMETHING NICE TO SAY.

I will be the person who lifts you. ALWAYS!

I have been a coach with the BLP for a year and I’ve lost count of the amount of people I have coached from idea maker into action taker (and this includes businesses incredibly similar to the BLP). I have coached people who are so like me it’s unnerving and seriously hard.

I am scared that they will be better than me.

But they deserve support and I would rather be a part of their success. 

Am I naive? 

Is it too much to ask for people to be kind and positive?

Is it unfair to expect people to park their own insecurities just long enough to reach out and help someone else up the ladder?

Is it unrealistic to expect that the people in our lives will stop for one second to voice their support.

IS IT? 

I have a Bachelors degree, Masters degree, Diploma and certs coming out of my arse. The qualification is not the problem.

I can’t spell and that makes me unprofesionel (how do you like them apples!)? How about you and I sit down so I can show you just how good I am at my job, and then we can revisit my spelling.

The first time you have ever shown your face on my business page was to be negative? Well, when you come to me for support, coaching and motivation I will work so much harder to lift you UP because I will always want to be a part of YOUR success. 

We owe it to ourselves, to our community and to freaking humanity to be positive for one another. There is so much in life that we cannot control so with the parts of it that we can control we need to work with the people we know, and not against them. 

The problem isn’t always me and the fact that I am a sensitive little snowflake. In fact, if that is the only you can say to rationalise your negativity than it means I will sleep a little better tonight. Because sooner or later you will realise that the problem isn’t me.

And it will drive you just bonkers when I am the one you come to for help. I will welcome you with my big muscley arms and I will ask you what I can do to be a part of your success?

And I will charge you top dolla too 

Top Ten Self-Care Tips For Men

Self-care is not just for women.

But most of the men I speak to think self-care equates to (no, not that!) a pack of beer and a take out in front of the TV. Most men have no idea of the concept and how to apply it to their lives.

Self-care and what I call ‘beer and take out care’ are very different.

Self-care is about promoting and increasing your overall mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing. Self-care is about putting activities in place now in order to strengthen your base. If life is like a pyramid the stronger your base is the less likely it is you will fall. 

Self-care is a life long commitment to you.

Beer and take-out care is roadside repair! Something has gone seriously wrong so beer and take out will fix it until tomorrow. But this short-term solution will not do anything to serve you long term.

Here are my ‘Top Ten Self-Care Tips For Men’

1. Exercise Good, Eat Good: What man doesn’t want to feel good, look good and pick up heavy things? Not only does exercise release endorphins, which are also known as the happy hormone but exercise is also a great way to release tension and rid your body and mind of whatever frustrations built up that day! And lets be honest, what guy doesn’t walk out of the gym after a hard session with their chin that little bit higher and their chest a little big bigger!

Good food is the perfect compliment to exercise. Eating well does not have to be complicated or time consuming. Eating well will ensure that you have limitless energy, vitality and clarity. 

2. Read: Whether it’s for stimulation, relaxation or recreation reading is a great way to engage with your imagination, develop awesome communication skills and take a relaxing break.

3. Shower: Hot showers are not only perfect for relaxation but they are great for muscular and joint pain associated muscle tears and muscle overuse (how are ya DOMs?). The warm water stimulates circulation and blood flow while loosening joints, tendons, tissues and muscles. Hot water is also great for cleansing the skin and reducing blemishes.

4. Walking: Taking walks outside in the fresh air helps to promote clarity and focus. If you have a mental block, or just feeling frustrated take yourself outside for a brisk 10 minute walk. No phone or distraction, just you! Do not let stress build up when a quick 10 minute walk outside is so helpful!

5. Practice Positive Self-Talk: Offset the self-critic inside your head and adopt a gentler and kinder approach to talking to yourself. You are your own worst enemy because you believe all the bull shit you have been telling yourself for years. Start to use positive language and positive self-talk to counteract the times when you undermine your efforts or criticise your results.  Use positive self-talk enough and you might actually start to believe you are as awesome as your girl friend or mom thinks you are 

6. Get Some Headspace: Schedule some personal time every week and learn to say no! Being a man does not make you invincible to overwhelm. Download Headspace or My Calm Beat if you are tight for time but committed to creating some personal headspace.

7. Journal: Use a journal (or your phone ‘notes’) to document important things that happen through out the day and how it makes you feel. Use this as a tool to reflect on your accomplishments and to celebrate your success. Take stock of what you are grateful for and what made you happy.

8. Set Goals: There is no greater feeling than achieving the personal, professional and physical goals you have set for yourself. Make big and scary goals and create a plan of action for the duration including how you will reward you hard work and celebrate your success.

9. Hang Out With Like-Minded People: I know you have had your friends for a long time and these friendships run deep so I am not for once suggesting that you drop them. Nevertheless you and your friends have grown up in different directions and don’t share much of the same interest anymore. It’s hugely important to find and connect with people who share the same values and beliefs that you do and there is no better way to find these people than by taking up a hobby!

10. Sleep: Poor sleep is linked to depression, anxiety and stress. Lying in bed for 7-8 hours a day is not the same as sleeping for 7 -8 hours. Sleep in a cold room and avoid all technology for up to 1 hour before turning in.

Because I am so passionate about self-care I have saved the best for last.

11. Ask for Help: Do not feel like you have to take on the world all by yourself. Humanity is a team sport and no one will ever think any less of you if you ask for help. Not asking for help when you need it the most is preventing you from achieving the best possible outcome.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, so even if you have all your shit together right now it’s important to practice these tools as consistently as possible.